Ann Daly, Clarity : How to Refocus Yourself
Another true story.
Jerri is a very smart, very talented lawyer--an associate at a large, prestigious law firm. She is the proud single mom of an infant boy and the survivor of a life-threatening illness.
When we met, Jerri was still on the mend. And she wanted to make a move. She wanted to relocate near her parents in a smaller city, so her son could live in a kid-friendly neighborhood with appropriately doting grandparents nearby.
Though she loved her work and planned to advance in her career, right now Jerri wanted to establish a different lifestyle for herself and her son.
Large law firms have not historically embraced off ramping, flextime, or leaves. Jerri's main concern was her job.
Would her current employer accommodate her move? Was this a good moment to open her own practice? Or to go corporate as an in-house counsel?
We explored all the possibilities, so Jerri could best "rehearse" all her options and visualize the big picture of how all the varied pieces of the puzzle might fit together.
But how would her boss, who depended upon her, respond? Anger? Dismissal out of hand? Should she have another job offer in hand? Would that make her position stronger, or would that be perceived as disloyal? These worries got the best of Jerri during one of our conversations.
She got herself to that dark place we're all familiar with when we play "What if?" In the game of "What if?" we give over our power to the person or organization whose reactions we are trying to predict. We go from "want" to "should."
Jerri had spiraled out of control by focusing on her employer's position rather than her own intentions. I wanted to bring her back to her place of clarity and power, so I gave her a freewriting assignment. Every day for the next week she was to spend 10 minutes describing the new life she was preparing for herself and her son.
A few days later, Jerri emailed me the news. After only two freewriting sessions, she couldn't put it off any longer. She reconnected with the depth of her desire to create a better life for her family, and she told her boss that she was going to move. Before she even had the chance, her boss suggested that Jerri continue working with the firm remotely.
Writing is an extraordinary tool for re-focusing yourself. When you're doubtful, it reminds you what you want. When you're confused, it sorts through the mess. When you're distracted, it brings you back to center.
So if you're needing the clarity and confidence that leads to action, try writing. Here are a few freewriting prompts to suit most situations:
- What's happening?
- What's missing?
- What's wrong?
- What's working?
- What's next?
- What's best?
